A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto
by Black Claided Cat
Summary: What do you get when you stick some real-life based people in the Naruto world, and give them some seriously messed up problems? Well, you get this story! A series of short stories when you get to torment someone- I mean, meet someone from Naruto…
1. Info Thingy

'A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto'

By: Black Claided Cat

Betaed by the awesome -Moon'sRain-

Info Thingy

Hello one, hello all! I welcome you into this whacked out world of me and my friends' brain!

If you are now reading this….

You will self-destruct in 5 seconds!!!!!!!

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Not really…. (unfortunately)

But if you are reading this, then you were probably interested in what I have to offer!

Well, the summary to this story is:

_What do you get when you stick some real-life based people in the Naruto world, and give them some seriously messed up problems? Well, you get this story! A series of short stories when you get to torment someone- I mean meet someone from Naruto…_

An explanation for this cracked up summary is simple. You put someone from your imagination, a friend or yourself into the world of Naruto, meet a certain character, and get to do anything to them… preferably torture them, or scare the shit out of them…

And I must warn you, this is a parody. A P-A-R-O-D-Y.

Not to be taken seriously.

I also am not racist, sexist or anything in the _ist_ category that is derogatory to other people. If I input anything in here that might insult you or anyone else, I apologize, but this is for entertainment purposes only!

I would also like you to know that I do not own the original characters of Naruto!

Naruto characters, Naruto plot and anything really Narutoey is © to Kishimoto Masashi.

All I own is this parody plot, and some of the character's that will be used in here.

I would also like people to know, that if you truly love this and want to be apart of the action, you can PM me and give me some info on the oc you want, which character you want to interact with and the basic idea of what you want to happen! I would _love_ to write you a scene from it.

To tell people of what to expect, I must tell you:

I do not do serious yaoi, nor yuri.

If you give me a request, I _must_ have some info on your character and who you want to interact with. What you want to happen is optional, because if you don't specify, I'll just make something up.

If you want to interact with more than one person, you have to inform me of all the people, and how your character will interact with them.

This is for my entertainment, and other's enjoyment. I will not type anything more than a kiss, and that kiss would simply be either a quick peck on the lips or a diversion for locking a person up to their doom. (I know, I've watched Pirates of the Caribbean too much) If you want something more, take your dirty mind elsewhere and go read a lemon. (I'm being slightly hypocritical here, I have a very dirty mind, but I will not let it show here).

If you don't like how your request turns out, big whoop. I work my ass off typing and thinking about this, so it doesn't really matter to me. I would feel honored if you loved it, but if you don't like it, don't flame me. If you ask nicely, I might redo it later on.

If the length isn't how you expected it, I'm sorry. I mostly do short little tid bits. But if I really like the idea, I'll write a lot.

I hope you enjoy the further chapters, and I mostly hope that you are pleased with the humor!

-- Black Claided Cat


	2. Large green spandex tree of youth

'A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto'

By: Black Claided Cat

Betaed by the awesome –Moon'sRain-

Guy-Sensei

*Enter small roll play*

BCC (Black Claided Cat) enters Naruto world, changes name to Kuro and walks around and does ninja-y stuff.

Days later Kuro runs into a large green spandex tree, not knowing that the big green spandex tree is actually a blinding bundle of youth! She curses at it.

Large spandex tree turns out to be a large crazy 'youth' beast and screams, I mean shouts, I mean says... (oops) "Why hello there little midget lady! If you embraced the power of youth and disembark the sin of cursing, maybe you would be as youthful and tall as me!!!!!!!!!"

Kuro gets an angry mark on head and kicks large green talking spandex tree *Of youth!* (Lol, couldn't resist putting it in)* where the sun don't shine and walks off proudly, muttering "I'm not that short, everyone is just freakishly tall here."

*Days later*

Kuro goes shopping only to run into the large green talking spandex suit tree *'Of youth!!' Guy shouts* and it's apprentice! (Insert dramatic 'NOOOOOOO!') Guy shouts (I'm not even going to fix it, he almost always shouts) "There is the small midget of unyouthfulness, Lee! Let us smile and hope that she absorbs some of our youthfulness through it!!!!"

So large green talking spandex tree and apprentice lee smile and blind the unsuspecting Kuro with their smiles of 'youth'...

*To be continued...*

If Kuro doesn't kill the large green talking spandex tree and apprentice lee... And recovers from being blinded...


	3. Pink Fluffy Bunnies of DOOOM!

'A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto'

By: Black Claided Cat

Betaed by the awesome -Moon'sRain-

Gaara-kun

***Enter small roll play***

"Muhuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! I have finally set up all of the explosives to blow up SUNA!!!!" cackled a maniac part of author's brain, named Hakumei.

Hakumei, standing on the top of a canyon on the outskirts on Suna, was laughing to the sky. She had finally set up all of the explosives that she had created, for the purpose of blowing up the Kazekage's precious city.

"I shall now push down on this lever and cause Suna to go up in flames! Literally," the psycho yelled, while leaning over a menacing looking red box with a black handle and a long black cord that disappeared off the screen. (Like the one in cartoons)

She huffed on both of her hands, placed them on the black handle.

Pushed down…

And heard nothing.

"What!? Isn't there suppose to be a large booming noise with tons of screams?!" Hakumei screamed.

"I heard nothing! Not even a small click!"

All of a sudden a light bulb went off in her brain. Hakumei went off to follow the menacing black cord. After a while, she spotted an armadillo chewing on the wire.

"What the hell? I have to deal with an armadillo now!?"

The said armadillo looked up and growled at her, with white foam coming from its mouth.

"Great, now I have to deal with a _rabid_ armadillo."

Just after that sentence, the armadillo lunged at Hakumei with its teeth bared. She jumped out of the way just in time to dodge the attack, but the armadillo just lunged again at her. Hakumei retaliated with throwing a kunai knife at it, hitting its shell and causing it to scratch.

The armadillo paused to a moment, looked at its shell, looked back and jumped on Hakumei. She grabbed it by its tail and swung it a far distance… only to have the little rabid beast to come back and try to bite her on her leg.

"What's with my luck today?! It's just rotten," she growled as she kicked the armadillo in the nose, causing it to reel back from the contact. The armadillo snorted a little, but turned around and scampered off.

Hakumei sweat dropped, thinking that the little bugger was a wussy and couldn't take a hit. She turned around and looked at the bitten wire, huffing about having to fix it before destroying Suna.

She walked over to it and cut off the safety cover, exposing the wires. Hakumei then fixed the wires so they stood out more, and connected the two wires.

*BOOOOOOM*

A large explosion happened in the distance, followed by a large mushroom cloud of dirt and debris, followed by a large unison of screams, shouts and yells. The screams were cut off almost immediately by another large blast, caused by everyone's favorite psycho (Citizens of Suna: No one likes her!!!!), and another large mushroom cloud.

This process repeated a few more times, each in different areas of Suna, until the entire city lay in ruins. "Yes! My dream of blowing up Suna has finally been accomplished," shouted Hakumei.

She just grinned and made her way to see the destruction that is now Suna.

***Minutes later with Hakumei using her super awesome ninja powers***

The city of Suna was a complete mess, debris was everywhere, bodies littered the ground, and the smell of smoke and death filled the air. Hakumei was very pleased with the outcome, and turned to leave the fallen city, only to be stopped by a voice.

"Who are you?"

It was the Kazekage! Oh joy to the world, Hakumei now had the chance to kidnap him and torture him!

She just looked at Gaara and said, "Your worst nightmare!" (Because she had always wanted to say that.)

Anyway, back on topic, Hakumei kidnapped Gaara into her secret torture lair so she can… like… torture him… *Insert sweat drop here* -_-'

***Seconds later in the Super Awesome Torture Lair***

Gaara was tied to a wall, and an evil Hakumei was cackling with laughter! Not a good sign…

Anyway! What Hakumei wanted to do was scare the Kazekage! And she knew that it wasn't going to be easy! So she brought in the heavy stuff!

"Okay, I got the chainsaw, check. Super awesome hurting poison? Double check. Electric eel, check. 1000 pound pissed off lion?" She thought a moment, while pacing with a clipboard, _Wait, I have a lion? Cool!_ Before saying check to that, too.

"Okay, the rabid armadillo from earlier? C-H-E-C-K! The secret weapon of awesomeness? Super check!"

By that point, Hakumei's craziness was starting to freak him out. Maybe even scare him. But either way he did _not_ like the way the situation was going. He opened his mouth to say something. But she just snapped at him saying something on the lines of 'I can't concentrate when the kidnapped person starts talking'.

Scratch that, she _did_ scare him.

But not in the way she hoped. Yet…

"Okay, Gaara-kun! Let's get this show on the road!"

Said Gaara nearly pissed his pants…

*Hours and hours later in the Super Awesome Torture Lair"

"Why is almost nothing working?! I was sure he'd crack when the rabid armadillo bit him in the buttocks muscle!!!" Hakumei yelled in frustration.

The truth was Gaara-kun was so petrified that he couldn't move, or do anything.

"Okay, I think it's time… TO BRING OUT THE SECRET WEPON OF SUPER AWSOMENESS!" Hakumei screamed.

"Okay, now to just find it," she muttered as she unlocked a door that led to an oversized closet.

She searched through it, and searched through it. Until…. She found it…

"Yes! I finally found my limited edition Uchiha Itachi trading card! Squeee! I've missed you so," she said hugging it. "Okay, now to find the secret weapon of super awesomeness."

She _did_ eventually find it.

"Okay," she said while bringing out a big cardboard box with warning tape all over it, "it's time to meet your demise."

Gaara could only look in horror. Hakumei opened the box, only to reveal…

A_ lot_ of _pink _and_ fluffy bunnies_…

Hakumei just grabbed a whole bunch and threw them at Gaara-kun. Only to have him burn and sizzle at the touch…

"I should have done that in the beginning!" Hakumei said, as she swept up the burnt and charcoaled pieces of Gaara.

*To be continued...*

Once Gaara-kun gets reincarnated! And Hakumei finished cleaning up her Super Awesome Torture Lair…

**A/N: Okay, I'm going to refer this story as… JUD. As in Jacked Up Day… 'Cuz I don't really want to call it 'A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto' while I'm talking about it. Nor do I want to call it 'SJUDWN' 'cuz that's too long, too. I hope you liked this chapter!**

_**Emogirl1790 **_**inspired this chapter! And the last one, actually. I actually had the idea for this in a conversation we had the other day. If you like this story, go check out her story 'Natsuki' it's super awesome and I really like it!**

**And don't forget to review!**

**B/N: OMG!!! LMAO!! BUNNIES!! (P.s., you don't have to delete this note on the story. But you might want to delete this little note in parenthesis lol) (A/N But I'm not!) omg funny as hell twin. I have to say, I wanna torture Gaara now. Awesome. **


	4. Kung Fu Fighting

''A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto'

By: Black Claided Cat

Betaed by the awesome -Moon'sRain-

Lee-kun and Neji-kun

***Enter small roll play***

Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...

"I shall fight you Neji!" Lee declared.

Said Neji just looked at him and beckoned him foreword, "Bring it."

They stood in position…

Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...

Lee and Neji simultaneously lunged at each other.

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting,  
Those kicks were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit fright'ning,  
But they fought with expert timing.

Lee used his speed to get behind Neji, hoping to confuse him. But Neji turned around and punched him in his chest, causing Lee to falter a second. Neji was about to get another punch in when Lee blocked it and drop kicked him, aiming a punch at his face.

There were funky China men  
From funky Chinatown  
They were chopping them up,  
They were chopping them down  
It's an ancient Chinese art,  
And everybody knew their part  
From a fainting to a slip,  
And a kickin' from the hip.

Neji jumped up and blocked Lee's punch, causing Lee to slide back. Neji immediately jumped a few yards away because Lee came back and nicked his shoulder with a kick. They both paused, catching their breath.

(Imagine the swirling image that get's the whole view of the characters but always get's the viewer dizzy)

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting,  
Those kicks were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit fright'ning,  
But they fought with expert timing.

They lunged again at each other, but they both blocked each other's attack, causing a cloud of dust to engulf the entire view. You could see dark shapes and figures dashing back and forth, punching and kicking and blocking in the cloud, all at lightning speed.

There was funky Billie Chin  
And little Sammy Chung  
He said, "Here comes the big boss, (Wha-ha)  
Let's get it on."  
We took the bow and made a stand,  
Started swaying with the hand  
A sudden motion made me stiff,  
Now we're into a brand new trip.

The dust cleared showing Lee standing tall and Neji leaning over his knees panting. Lee proudly yelled "Wha-ha!" but stopped when Neji slammed into him, paralyzing him for a second and causing him to sway.

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting,  
those kicks were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit fright'ning,  
But they did it with expert timing.

Lee immediately composed himself and jumped again at Neji. They fought for almost an hour.

Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...

They jumped apart from their last punch, and Lee ran to the edge of the training area. Neji followed, and Lee ran to the other side, continuing it.

(Keep on, Keep on, Keep on, Keep on, Show you.)

Neji caught Lee and punched him, throwing him into a tree. Lee got up and punched at Neji and it caught him in the cheek, causing him to wince. They jumped apart again.

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting,  
Those kicks were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit fright'ning,  
Make sure you have expert timing.

Lee used his leaf hurricane and tried to trip Neji, but he back-flipped and jumped out of the way. Neji came around and tried to swipe Lee in the chest but he ducked backward, causing himself to fall over.

Kung Fu fighting had to be fast as lightning...

They both got one last punch in before they stopped and looked at each other.

(Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...  
Oh-oh-oh-oh...)

They were still staring at each other until they both bowed down to each other, showing that the match was finished.

*To be continued...*

Once Lee wants to challenge Neji again…

**A/N****: This was my first ever fight scene!! *Pats self on back* I think I did pretty well with it. I wanted this chapter to be funny, just because of the plot of it! Well, I don't own 'Kung Fu fighting' Wang Chung does. I was listening to that song when I typed this, and I only had to listen to it once! Bravo!! I just got back from summer vacation not to long ago, and school already started. Plus, my birthday is on the 23 of this month (August)! I hope everyone had a great summer vacation, and those who still have it, I hope you have a great rest of summer! If you haven't read **_**Emogirl1790's 'Natsuki'**_** I suggest you read it (if you want) because I'm going to guest star the main character here (Natsuki)! Thank you, again, **_**Emogirl1790 **_**for letting me use her! **

**B/N****: Ahhh Neji and Lee fighting … how epic! You did well with the fight scene! Especially for a first timer! *Pats your head* Awesome epic-ness! (A/N: I feel so loved!!!)**


	5. Fall of the Konoha Empire

'A Seriously Jacked Up Day in the World of Naruto'

By: Black Claided Cat

Betaed by the awesome -Moon'sRain-

Naruto-kun

***Enter small roll play***

"I'm not obliged of anything, ANYTHING!!

I don't even like 'Naruto'! Why am I even here?!"

Does this sound familiar. Ya, well, a lot of fanfics go like this. And how do they all end up? Unoriginal and having romance in it. Well, they never met Moriko.

_Profile;_

_Name: Moriko Tsuki_

_Status: Pissed of teen in Naruto_

_Occupation: Evil (aggravated) serial killer scientist_

_Why aggravated? Because it's worse than regular_

The Hokage just stared at the file. Why was there a person saying that they're in him? He looked up, staring at Kakashi, who was the one who gave him the file.

"Why aggravated?"

"I don't know, Naruto-sama. She just scribbled that on a piece of paper when we refused to 'take her to our leader'. She even stuck a picture on there, Kami knows why."

Naruto was irritated, but at the same time grateful and amused. This little incident of finding a random (unknown) ninja in the woods brought chaos to his paperwork (aka him not having to do it) and a little enjoyment to his work as Hokage.

He was also irritated because there were ninja all over asking about this mysterious person, thinking it was the one that blew up Suna and kidnapped Gaara.

**(In the distance, in the ****Super Awesome Torture Lair, Hakumei yells and throws a tantrum about not getting rightful credit for blowing up the Hidden Village. And about **_**killing**_** Gaara, not **_**kidnapping.**_**)**

"Well, I'd like t-" his sentence was cut off by a loud bang and a couple of yells.

Kakashi and the rest of the ninjas in the room jumped up and went to see what was going on. Naruto sighed and went to check it out, too.

He pocked his head out of his window to see a giant Wyrum smashing some buildings and many ninja leaping around and trying to take it out. On top of the wingless dragon's head was the girl that he just read the profile on, Moriko.

He jumped down and ran over to the commotion.

"Cool! I didn't think that that it would work," was the first thing Naruto heard. Moriko was defiantly the one who said it, she was _very_ loud.

"Okay, let's try this. Ginjutsu: Invisible cloak!!"

There was a long pause; everyone stopped what they were doing. They were awaiting the girl and Wyrum to become invisible, because she _had_ summoned the mythical creature.

But nothing happened.

With a curse from Moriko, she kindly asked the Wryum to continue trampling the poor citizens and ninjas or Konoha.

-Hours later-

No progress has been made, all the people of Konoha were trying to bring down the crazy girl and her summonings. Yes, sommoning_s_. She had summoned not only a Wyrum, but a pack of mutated wolf-like creatures and a flying skeleton fish.

They took down some of the wolves, but there were still many, many left to get. The fish couldn't be killed; if it was chopped apart it didn't matter. It recuperated and well, it was a _skeleton_.

The ninjas didn't even try with the Wyrum. The Hokage was fighting it with the giant toad thingy (that they didn't care about, they just wanted the psycho gone).

Moriko was still laughing and casting fire, blizzard and thunder ninjutsus around. How she was doing it, no one knew.

All of a sudden, she, the Wyrum, the wolves and the fish just disappeared.

They all thought she was gone, but they heard something.

"Wow, this genjutsu is _late_!!"

And more destruction prevailed. She wasn't gone, she was invisible. From the genjutsu she had cast hours earlier.

-More hours later-

Konoha was in ruins. Almost everyone was killed, and the reinforcements that it had called for was still not there. The only ones living were the hokage, Naturo, the attacker(s)…. and Sakura.

"H-hey Sakura! Now that we're the only ones alive, we're going to have to reproduce…"

*thunk!*

To be continued; once Naruto awakens, Sakura gets over her anger at Naruto, Moriko stops breaking everything… and once/if the reinforcements arrive and rebuild everything.

**A/N:**** I know it's short, but it just came out of my head. *shrug* Hope you guys liked it. And sorry, I didn't have Natsuki in it. That'll be the next one…**


End file.
